Birth Stories

The birth of Amelie Lucia - 6 September 2005

The phone rings. It’s Monday morning and far too early for most people to call. Is this it I ask myself? It’s Chris’s voice on the other end and I know immediately this IS it, the day we have all been waiting for, preparing for since this little baby was conceived nine months ago. Alex has been having contractions since last night and is now managing to catch some sleep after being awake all night. I put the phone down, take a deep breath and suddenly get a sense of the enormity of what is about to happen. All this preparation but I’m running around flapping like an old goose, arming myself with food and packing the last bits of what I thought was a ‘ready to go’ bag. I am elated, nervous, welling with excitement. I wend my way to Hove and am let in by Chris, who leaves me with Alex in the bedroom. She is lying naked on the bed looking beautiful but a little tearful. She is in a ‘stuck’ place and needs some love and attention to move through it. She expresses relief at having another woman with her, someone who has made this journey herself and can offer support through that shared experience.

We make our way into the living room and I don’t know how long Alex spends on her birth ball before going to the toilet and emerging looking triumphant! She begins to work with her contractions, gradually moving from needing constant support through each one to riding it out on her own, using her breath and really focusing. Sometimes she is on the ball, sometimes on the floor, rocking her pelvis to an African song, singing and looking magnificent between each surge. I am in awe of Alex, in awe of this whole process of bringing new life into the world.

We eat some lunch. Alex is hungry but can’t decide what she wants. Her mum arrives and a shift is needed to accommodate the new energy. All is well after just a few minutes. Alex is now glued to the ball and saying she can’t move anywhere else. Another gate of fear, a stuck place. Still, she’s amazingly humorous and light-hearted between contractions. The mood is good. I try to coax her off her birth ball as progress seems to have slowed with the lack of movement and mental block that she’s having. I manage to get her to move onto the side of the pool with one leg raised onto the ball. She begins to gain a little momentum again but is still convinced her legs aren’t strong enough to support her. Chris employs a little of his famous light-hearted humour, immediately coaxing Alex onto her feet. We’re off!

Although we have all been determined to let the labour unfold at its own pace, I have been aware that all three of us birth supporters had become somewhat fixated with the length and frequency of Alex’s contractions. Now at last we all seem to let go of that and get into the timeless labourland frame of mind. It is what it is so let it roll! It all gets a bit blurry for me here. I remember lots of music and dancing as night falls, lots of Alex belly dancing her way beautifully through contractions, lots of laughter, and I remember thinking to myself as we share this most incredible time together, that I would rather be here now than anywhere else in the world.

Alex continues to amaze and inspire me with her humour and strength and I feel that we are working beautifully together as a team, all making our unique contributions to Alex’s labour journey. Just as I hit a wall of tiredness, Anja has been called and is on her way. She has instructed us to crank up the music and party on down to see if we can move things along a little. Latino tunes blare out and I decide it’s a good time for me to grab an hour’s kip before the hard night ahead. I leave Chris and Alex getting down on the dance floor with Kaaren looking sleepy on the sofa.

I awake at 10pm to the buzzer and Anja is here. I walk outside with her into the cool night to help her bring her stuff inside and I am amazed that life is going on as normal outside our birth cocoon. I want to ask her a thousand questions but restrain myself. After a while, Anja suggests that Alex gets into the pool, we all exit to another room and she and Chris get all smoochy to see if the darkness, water and intimacy combination can help this labour to progress. Meanwhile, Alex has requested a vaginal exam (her first), instinctively wanting to know how dilated she is before we make any big decisions. She and Anja retreat to the bedroom and when we go in Alex looks triumphant SEVEN cms dilated!! There is much jubilation and a shift of mood. The pace ups again and we’re off!!! Alex gets into the pool with a long sigh of pleasure and relief I can imagine how good the water must feel after over 24 hours of contractions. Suddenly, the contractions take on a different intensity and Alex begins to really withdraw into labourland. She is rocking in the water, talking intently to her baby, her eyes a little glazed over. The connection between mother and baby has been there throughout but now it is even more evident.

Suddenly Alex is crying out “ I don’t know what to do, tell me what to do! Help!” It only lasts for a contraction or two and then she’s through it. I ask myself whether or not this was transition. Alex is rocking and swaying, murmuring “Come on baby, come on baby.” I expect her to start pushing any minute, unaware that it will be another 8 or 9 hours before this happens! Some time around now Alex asks for Sue to come and Anja gives her a call. She lives nearby and is here pretty quickly. At this point everything becomes a little blurry. Alex’s timeless labourland state is affecting my own perception of time and space. We drift on through the night with Alex’s energy waning. The next thing I remember is Anja suggesting that we all retire to the bedroom, leaving Chris and Alex to cuddle up in the darkness and try to rest.

Sleep comes quickly for me, punctuated by Alex’s soft moans from the living room. I awake at four when Chris swaps with Anja to get some rest. The next time I awake, fingers of grey light are creeping their way into the room and I can hear a gentle rain falling outside. I listen for Alex and soon she moans. My heart sinks- this is not the sound of a woman in the second stage of labour. Fear rises from the pit of my stomach as I imagine the possibility of a hospital transfer and I feel heartbroken for Alex.

I step over Kaaren and Chris’s sleeping bodies and make my way outside to the back balcony. I breathe deep lungfuls of the wonderful dawn air and with my exhalations I breathe out the fear I am feeling I know this has to be done before I can be with Alex again. When I go into the living room, Sue and Anja are sitting on the sofa drinking tea and Alex is lying on her side, looking tired and a little afraid. I lie down beside her and stroke her hair. I tell her what an amazing woman she is and that she is doing brilliantly. Everyone is stirring now and the mood lifts a little. We grab some food and tea and rally round to get Alex pushing. This seems to go on for an eternity Alex is tearful and spaced out and keeps repeating that she doesn’t know what to do. Despondency has set in. She goes to the toilet and I follow her in. I ask her what she thinks is preventing her from pushing, whether she feels it is her body or her mind. She tells me it’s all in her head she confesses she’s afraid of meeting her baby, afraid of becoming a mother, afraid of the pain of the huge contractions to come. I feel so proud of her at this moment that she has the courage and the insight to acknowledge and admit to these fears. I realize also how crucial this birth environment is to enabling this long, slow labour to unfold naturally at its own pace, how crucial all the hard work and physical, emotional and spiritual preparation has been in avoiding medical intervention.

I relate what Alex has said to Anja and Sue. Anja suggests that Alex and Chris spend a little time together alone. She asks them to try to remember what it was that started this whole process, the love and desire for this baby that manifested the events unfolding now. Outside I sit with Sue and Anja and we talk about what’s happening and how we can work through this together. Soon Alex calls me inside and I sit beside her again, searching for the right words to fill her heart with courage and dissipate the fear. I feel like a failure, feel as though these words are not reaching her and I wish I had more experience to draw upon, something to help me help Alex out of the dark place she’s in. Anja asks me to encourage Alex to move to the bedroom we need a change of scene and the bedroom is light and airy and full of morning. I think this is a brilliant idea leave behind the long night in the living room and start afresh somewhere else. Alex agrees and between contractions we move.

She is still having regular contractions but there is no urge to push. In the bedroom Alex is still stuck and asking for help she says she wants someone to do this for her! As Chris and I stand beside her, Anja comes in and kneels at her feet. Her words come straight from the heart as she reaches out to Alex and soon we are all crying it’s an intensely moving moment. Alex finally shifts a little and begins to work with her contractions as Anja talks her through. Soon she is getting a rhythm going and suddenly she’s through the wall of fear. She is euphoric and laughing at herself again, announcing that pushing is really easy!! We all fall about giggling, enjoying this moment of light relief. Alex says she cannot understand what was holding her back as this is fun! She keeps on exclaiming, “We’re having a baby, Chris, we’re having a BABY!!”

We all step back a little and watch as she finds her power again and moves around, leaning on a chair or the dressing table for support. She looks and sounds magnificent now, swaying and rocking, growling like a lioness with each contraction. Although she must be way beyond exhaustion by now, Alex just keeps on reaching right into the depths of her being and finding the energy, the determination, the love to push this baby out. She moves from the birth stool to standing up, standing up back to the birth stool. We form a circle around her and I try to focus every atom in my body on willing this birth on. I find myself praying that Alex will be able to do this. All those wonderful plans for a waterbirth are gone it looks as if Alex will be lying down to birth this baby. Anja and Sue are at her feet, urging her to work with the contractions. Sue uses a hot compress to ease the pain on Alex’s perineum. Kaaren is mopping her brow lovingly and whispering encouraging words in her ear. This is the most intense experience of my life.

Now Alex has rolled over onto her left side and we begin to see the faintest glimpse of a little matted head of hair. Over and over it becomes visible and then disappears again. Now, finally it no longer retreats. This baby has the weirdest looking head! It has the appearance of a strange, grey, squidgy brain, all lumpy and mottled. I can see from Chris’s expression that he too is wondering whether this is normal, but Anja and Sue seem unperturbed which reassures both of us. My heart goes out to Alex as I remember the final crowning moments before Theo’s birth. And yet despite everything, Alex still holds the power. She is triumphant in her pain and exhaustion. She’s amazing!!

And this baby is amazing too, with a beautiful steady heartbeat throughout. Even in these final moments, she is in no hurry to come out the crowning is taking forever. Alex’s perineum is pretty tight and I wonder whether an episiotomy will have to be performed. Anja works magic with her strong patient hands and we are really close now. With a great roar and a mighty effort the head crowns. My body dissolves with joy the love and anticipation filling the room is palpable. There it is the head!! Before the contraction is over half the body has emerged, arms raised in triumph, greeting the world outside the womb. A small, warbly cry pierces the air and we are all weeping and cooing and welcoming this amazing little being. Anja’s hands guide baby to Chris and he carefully lifts her beautiful slippery body onto Alex’s belly.

Alex is glowing with love, glorious, radiant. Chris enfolds Alex, a blanket enfolds baby and we all laugh and sigh through the tears. The pain, the grueling hard work of the last 40 hours is forgotten there is nothing but love. Amid the euphoria, no one has noticed the sex of this baby. Alex lifts the blanket and Amelie Lucia officially takes her place in the universe. When it stops pulsating the cord is cut and one becomes two. Soon this little girl is nuzzling at the breast. Alex lifts her, tickles her mouth with her nipple and like a dream Amelie latches straight on. Mama and baby lie there, falling in love as thousands, millions of mothers and babies have fallen in love before them. All the sucking is stimulating the placenta. Alex wobbles up to a squat and there it is, out in one smooth push. A gush of blood follows but nothing to worry about. Membranes and placenta are intact the birth is complete. But with this journey over, another one begins the journey of Alex, Chris and Amelie, bound tightly together in love, sweat, tears and laughter. With this birth we are all changed forever…..

Hilary (Alex’s friend & birth supporter)

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