Birth Stories

Oscar's Birth - 25 October 2008

Since falling pregnant for the second time I was a woman on a mission. My aim: to achieve the calm, vaginal birth that had eluded me the first time.

The delivery of Rory, my first born, by ‘emergency’ c-section was a prime example of defensive medical practice. There had been meconium in my waters and faulty monitoring equipment meant that hospital staff had been unable to determine whether or not he was in distress. The procedure proved to be medically unnecessary as Rory was pulled out in fine form, stained from the meconium which was there as a result of him being two weeks overdue. I was left feeling very angry and rather violated by the whole situation hence my overriding desire to ensure a truly positive experience this time.

My initial visits to the hospital did not bode well as the previous c-section deemed me ‘high risk’ and the various procedures and protocols that would be applied to a VBAC would restrict my birth choices. This drove me to start exploring the option of home birth and I came across details of Anja’s “home and waterbirth evening” on the internet.

Meeting Anja opened my eyes to a whole new world of maternity care and as I and my husband Alex drove away from her house that night we decided we would like to employ her services to support us in this journey. Little did we realise then just how critical her involvement would be at every stage of the pregnancy and labour in making sure I had the opportunity to pursue my dream birth.

All was well through the pregnancy and I was able to really enjoy the ante-natal visits in the comfort of my own home, with Rory being involved in the whole process. He particularly enjoyed helping listen to the baby’s heartbeat and still wraps my arm up in a cloth or book, play acting taking my blood pressure. I just love Anja’s no nonsense, open, honest approach. She never appeared to be in a hurry and you could almost forget that she had other clients to look after. I felt comfortable to broach any subject however small or seemingly unimportant. In particular I benefited greatly from being able to talk in detail about my previous birth experience and get knowledgeable feedback as to why certain things happened and how we could make it different this time.

All was going in accordance with my ‘master plan’ until I had a routine scan at 36 weeks to check the placenta position and found that my darling baby had turned into a breech position. I sat in the car outside the hospital sobbing my heart out, visions of an enforced repeat caesarean flashing before me, with Alex sitting beside me saying “don’t panic call Anja”. He was obviously already convinced of her powers to calm me down and get me to put my positive head back on.

Sure enough, within 48 hours, I had been reassured, fully informed of all my options, provided with stacks of reading material and had embarked on a rigorous programme of activities to attempt to turn the baby. More importantly Anja was able to demonstrate that if the baby remained breech another c-section was not my only option. It certainly would have been should I have still been under the care of the NHS.

Despite many hours of hanging head first from the sofa, acupuncture, moxa sticks and trying to talk him round, Oscar was staying firmly put. By 39 weeks I had to accept that the chances of him turning were now very slim and it was time to finalise my birth choices on the basis of a breech delivery and mentally prepare for the challenge to come.

After much soul searching, I made my decision to labour at home, attempt a vaginal delivery and transfer to hospital for a c-section at the first sign of things not going smoothly. Everyone I shared this with seemed to think that I was very brave but I can honestly say that brave didn’t come into it as I felt in very safe hands and fear was not an issue. Anja had arranged appropriate back up support with expertise in natural breech delivery and spent so much time educating me in what to expect that I felt I could be guided by my body and the signals it gave me during labour. Now it was a case of wait and see.

We were all pleasantly surprised when my labour started within just a few days of my due date having expected to be very late like last time. It quickly escalated from a show and light cramping at 9.30pm to full blown labour before midnight. I found like my previous labour that I retreated into myself and felt rather detached from my surroundings and those around me. I had planned to use my downstairs living space and a birth pool in a box however when it came to it I couldn’t seem to drag myself away from the loo and sink in our en-suite bathroom. As the contractions came I held onto the sink swaying and as soon as each one passed I would collapse back onto the toilet. Whilst I remained in this space I seemed to be able to stay fully in control and the pain was manageable so I think I was just loath to move in case it disturbed my positive mindset.

As the noise levels increased Rory woke up and was calling out for attention. Alex entertained him whilst Anja persuaded me that if I wanted to use water as pain relief I would be best off getting into the bath straight away. I remember being very reassured by her thinking there was a need to hurry whilst also being slightly sceptical as I felt rather too good to be very far on in the whole process – as far as I was concerned there was still a long way to go and I was pacing myself accordingly.

It was around this time that I suddenly felt a really strong urge to push with every contraction. This was the only point in my labour that I experienced a slight feeling of panic as it brought back negative memories from Rory’s birth. Then I had felt strong urges to push whilst only 6cms dilated and had been told to hold back from doing this at all costs. It had switched the whole nature of the labour from working with my body to fighting against it and I found this practically impossible. It signalled the point when I lost control, was persuaded to allow interventions which had been a slippery slope to the end of my natural labour.

This time however Anja told me to go with what my body was telling me and as soon as I began to relax again and work with these urges I was able to take on board that this would help the baby continue down through the birth canal. Whilst in the bath my waters broke and I was elated to see that they were clear. At some point after this I was informed that that it was time to get out of the bath as Anja was able to see a first glimpse of the baby in her mirror. This was very exciting as for the first time I truly thought I was very close to meeting my baby boy. The contractions were very strong now and seemed to have taken on a force of their own. It was rather surreal as I felt like I was somewhere else listening in on someone making animal like grunting noises. The next thing I remember was the back-up midwife telling me that the next ten minutes were critical as the baby needed to make the final turn through the pelvis. I took this as my cue to focus and tried to bring myself back into ‘my own body’ and re-connect with my surroundings by talking to Alex and the midwives. I am not entirely sure what it was I was saying but don’t think it was much more than rambling nonsense. The ten minutes came and went and I was starting to become aware that, despite the relentless, strong contractions the baby did not seem to be moving any further down. Eventually we were advised that I had reached the borderline position we had discussed with Anja in advance. The slowing of the labour may indicate that the baby would need some manual assistance in the final stages of getting out and this could result in a less favourable start to his independent existence. Although I had been determined to commence my ‘natural’ labour at all costs I had always been clear that the time to deviate from this plan was the moment it could compromise the baby’s well being. Alex and I took one look at each other and said “get us to the hospital”.

From this point on there was nothing I could do to overcome the feeling that I had mentally surrendered control of my labour to those around me. Although I knew I was doing the only sensible thing, a feeling of grief was welling up and threatened to explode. The only thing I could do to stay in control was focus on the logistics of getting to the ambulance and into the hospital. I was grateful for the fact that Anja had kept the hospital informed during my labour so that when we arrived they were ready for me so we could proceed straight to theatre. In hindsight I realise I was definitely hanging on by a thread when I snapped at the anaesthetist “what is taking you so long” as he tried to insert the epidural to administer the spinal block. One of the hospital staff kindly informed me that although they understood that it probably felt longer, I had only been in the hospital for less than five minutes. Another ten minutes or so and there was Oscar looking around brightly at his new world.

It is now six weeks on and I can look back on Oscar’s birth and feel contented. I may not have achieved the vaginal birth that I thought was so critical but I did approach the labour ‘my way’ and felt calm and in control for 99% of the time which I think any mother will agree is good going. I have come to accept that although the labour did conclude with a c-section, the most important factor was that I was in complete control of my labour and made all the decisions without external pressure. Unlike Rory’s birth where I was left with many unresolved issues, I have been able to focus on the fact that I have a handsome baby boy who is very happy in his own skin and not be consumed by how he arrived.

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